What I Am to You
by jmerlinfan08
Summary: Set some time after S02E04. Arthur can't help noticing that Guinevere has been avoiding him lately. Arthur is getting lonely and Merlin has a plan. Will he be able to know what's wrong? Will Arthur know if Guinevere is truly his?


**A/N: Just a little too late one-shot for you guys. Sorry about that. This is not one of the stories I was talking about by the way. So, hope you enjoy and please review! Thank you :)**

* * *

As the days went by, it is clear that after Arthur's rescue mission, things hadn't been the same in the castle, especially when it came to Guinevere. After Morgana and Guinevere had seen each other, it was then that Arthur noticed something different. It seemed as though it was the last time he's ever seen or been near her since the rescue or if he had seen her, it would only be because she was serving them their meals or she was just greeting him as they pass by one another. Arthur knew something was wrong and he wanted to find out why.

As Merlin served Arthur's lunch, he noticed how quiet Arthur has become and knew that something was bothering him. Somehow, he didn't need an explanation on why he was acting in such a manner. It was about Guinevere. Although he cared for him as a friend, he thought it wouldn't hurt to tease him a bit. Merlin then smirked knowingly at an Arthur who was staring blankly in space.

 _Something isn't right. I just know it. Since the rescue Guinevere hasn't spoken a word to me at all. It's all my fault. Why did I have to open my mouth? Why didn't I just say the truth? I had to say it to her face that I only came because Morgana begged me, which is partly true but that's not why I came. That's not even the point. I know it. My heart knows it. I would've done anything to save her. Even if I had to disobey my father, which I did. Uther Pendragon may be my father and he may be my king… but he does not command my heart… When Merlin told her that Lancelot was gone, I couldn't stand the thought of her crying. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and take all the hurt away. But unfortunately, I hurt her as well, by implying that she did not matter when in truth, she's the one who matters the most. Guinevere… I saw her face once I said the words I did not mean. It was clear that she was hurt and disappointed… I have failed her._

"Is… everything all right, Sire?" Merlin asked half-interestingly.

Arthur seemed to come back to reality, losing his train of thought as he heard Merlin and cleared his throat.

"I'm fine, Merlin." he said dismissingly.

Merlin then turned to look at Arthur, who was resting his head on his upright elbow, staring back into the empty space annoyingly.

"Is there a problem, Arthur?" Merlin asked seriously, knowing exactly what was bothering him.

Arthur sighed deeply then slowly turned to Merlin "Have you seen Guinevere lately?" he asked softly. Merlin smirked to himself, knowing that he was right to think that his problem was about a certain woman. A woman that is Guinevere.

"No, I haven't, Sire." Merlin muttered and glanced at Arthur as he tidies the room up. "Why?" he asks Arthur after a moment.

Arthur seemed as if he was taken aback and cleared his throat before answering "Nothing. Just asking." and turns away again.

 _What love sick fools they are. Just talk to each other already._

Merlin thought to himself, realizing that Gwen was acting the same way as Arthur had been for the past few days. He knew that Gwen was trying to avoid Arthur as Arthur was left wondering why and Merlin, on the other hand, didn't know what to do with his friends, especially now that he had talked to Gwen recently.

* * *

 _He was walking along the hallway and as he turned around the corner, he soon found himself colliding with Gwen, who held Morgana's unwashed clothes in a basket, now scattered on the floor._

 _They both gasped softly and turned to one another to pick up the clothes lying on the floor._

 _"Gwen." Merlin said cheerfully._

 _"Hello, Merlin." she said, although not as cheerful as Merlin wanted it to be._

 _"I haven't seen you these past few days. How are you?" he asked as they bent down and picked up the clothes, one by one._

 _"I'm fine, thank you." she said as happily as she could, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her._

 _Merlin sensed that there was something in her tone._

 _"Gwen, are you alright?" he asked softly as he watched Gwen's every move, her eyes not looking at him but on the floor with the clothes in her hands._

 _"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she said hastily, as her eyes continued to linger on the floor._

 _"Is this about… Lancelot?" he asked hesitantly, trying to figure out her perspective._

 _Gwen sighed softly and spoke "Merlin, it might have been hard when Lancelot left that day but, he felt that it was the right thing to do and I respect his choice... You don't understand, this is frustratingly different. I don't even know why I tried when it is clear that he didn't care about me."_

 _"Lancelot?" Merlin asked confusingly._

 _Gwen then sighed annoyingly and looked up "Of course not, I'm not referring to him. I'm referring to Ar-" she then stopped her surprised, unconscious self from almost saying something out loud that she knew she'd regret later and by this time, she knew that there was no point in denying it as she looked at a smirking Merlin but, she had to try._

 _"I'm referring to no one. It's nothing." she muttered as she gathered the clothes in the basket and stood up quickly to flee from Merlin's interrogation but before she knew it, Merlin was in her way as his hands rested firmly on the basket, knowing that he won't stop until he got some answers._

 _"Gwen." he said as he gave her a knowing look. Gwen had no choice but to explain and let out an exasperated sigh._

 _"This is about Arthur, isn't it?" Merlin asked knowingly._

 _Gwen looked at him, looked away for a moment and breathed deeply. She then looked back at him._

 _"It's nothing, Merlin. Don't worry." she stated plainly._

 _Merlin scowled annoyingly and continued persuading Gwen to tell him._

 _"Gwen, just tell me… what's wrong?" he asked softly and it was now her turn to scowl and roll her eyes annoyingly._

 _"Merlin, even if I tell you, nothing can ever come of it, so why should I even bother?" she asked firmly._

 _"So it is about Arthur!" he stated unsurprisingly. Gwen sighed and rolled her eyes again._

 _"Alright. Fine, then. It is about him!" she paused to calm herself down and continued "and even if it so, I know nothing will ever happen… and yes, I know that I'm not even worth saving, after all I'm just a servant. But… to hear him say those awful words, he's done it because Morgana begged him? he made me feel like I didn't matter at all, like I was nobody. That hurt me more than I could say, Merlin. I just don't know why I kept thinking about it. He's the prince, I'm only a servant. What could I possibly mean to him? He doesn't care about me." Gwen softly whispered, as if she was telling all of these things to herself._

 _Merlin then took hold of both of her shoulders and bent his head in level with hers, telling her to look at him, giving her an encouraging smile._

 _"No, he does care. I know he does. It's only a matter of time." he said cryptically as he smiled at her._

 _Gwen furrowed her eyebrows confusingly "What do you mean?" she asked._

 _Merlin squeezed her shoulders before putting his hands back to his sides and shrugged at her, turning to leave, smiling at her for the last time before he began walking away._

 _"Merlin." Gwen called but he didn't turn back anymore. She then sighed and went on her way as well._

* * *

Presently in his chambers, Arthur didn't even notice that Merlin had left because he was deep in thought. After breathing deeply, he stood up and decided to go to the window overlooking the courtyard. His thoughts were then interrupted when the door opened and as he turned, he saw that it was Guinevere who came in, walking toward the bed to lay down the sheets she was holding in her arms.

"Guinevere." he softly called, fully facing her but stood still to where he was.

She then gasped loudly, as if she knew that she was the only one in the room. Gwen then sighed in relief before addressing him.

"Forgive me, Sire. I didn't know you were here. Merlin supposedly said that you were with your father and asked me to put these in your chambers." she said as she referred to the sheets that she still held.

"No problem at all." Arthur muttered as he continued to look at her.

 _Why would Merlin lie about where I was? What is he on about?_

Little did Arthur know that Gwen, too, was wondering the same thing. It was just at the moment when it finally hit her.

 _Of course he lied to me so that I would go willingly to his chambers. Why did I not realize it before? Now Arthur will probably not let me go easily._

She thought and purposely tried to look at anywhere but at him. She then just put the sheets on the bed and almost ran for the door when she felt his hand reaching for her arm. She wasn't aware that he had been walking slowly towards her.

"Wait, Guinevere. Please." he said softly and held her arm firmly but gently in order to turn her around to face him. Gwen allowed herself to face him and look at him.

"There's a problem… between us, isn't there?" Arthur asked, looking at her, patiently waiting for her to answer.

Gwen breathed deeply and fully faced him, causing him to let go of her arm but didn't bother to move from their closeness that all he has to do was pull her to him so that he could hold her tightly and never let go but decided against it and stayed still.

"Nothing is wrong, my lord." Gwen stated unconvincingly.

"Then why have you been avoiding me these past few days?" he challenged.

Gwen looked away from his distracting eyes and muttered "I've just been busy, my lord. That's all."

Arthur scoffed rolled his eyes slightly and began pacing in front of her, realizing how stubborn she can be "Please, Guinevere, I can hear the uncertainty in your voice. There's something wrong, I know it, we both know it. Just say it. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I did because it's killing me!" he demanded, slightly raising his voice not wanting to frighten her. He then stopped pacing, went back in front of her and looked at her.

Gwen snapped her head, looking into his eyes and answered with the same frustration "Do you think it is easy for me? Having to hide what I feel knowing that it can never be? That _we_ could never be! Having been hurt realizing that I mean nothing to you at all? You've just been forced to do what you didn't want to, Morgana begged you…" she breathed calmly and continued "Arthur, what am I to you? Am I just a servant? Am I just a woman who walks about the castle? I've never felt this hurt before and I don't know why. This is hard for me too. Harder than you will ever imagine." she finished with a shaky breath and tears threatening to fall on her face.

For a moment, Arthur was shocked with everything that he heard and stayed still in his position, not knowing what to say. Before he could say anything, he heard Gwen speak softly.

"I should go, my lord." she said as she began to walk to the door. Just then, for the second time, she was stopped. This time, it wasn't just his arm. It was his arms tightly wrapped around her and face buried in her neck, her back pressing against his chest. She felt the tears fall from her eyes as Arthur whispered in her ear.

"You're wrong, Guinevere. I lied. My father was wrong. You are not nothing . You are everything to me. Everything… I'm sorry, Guinevere. I'm truly sorry." he whispered as tears also started falling from his eyes and buried his face deeper in her neck, taking in the lavender smell of her hair as he hugged her as tight as he could.

They stayed that way for a few moments as Gwen put her hands on his arms and she then spoke.

"Arthur." she muttered as she turned to face him. Just as she turned, Arthur managed to hug her again, clinging onto her as if she was his lifeline. Gwen hugged him back but when she felt it was time, she spoke again.

"Arthur." she tried to pull away but he just hugged her tighter.

"I need to hear it. I need to know that you will wait for me." he blurted out and Gwen stopped pulling away from him. After a moment, Arthur spoke again but this time, softly.

"I know that what I'm asking of you is selfish and I admit it. I am a selfish, arrogant man because I don't want you looking at another the way you look at me. I've seen it, Guinevere. I've seen the way you've been looking at me." Arthur felt her stiffen and continued "and I should know, because it's exactly how I look at you." he whispered.

Gwen's eyes went wide with shock, not believing what Arthur had just revealed. Arthur pulled away slowly and looked at her, softly holding her arms.

"I can feel it, Guinevere. My heart begins to beat unusually fast the moment my eyes set on you. I can't deny my feelings Guinevere. There may be a time that I will do so, in front of my father but not to you. Not ever. No matter what happens, I know my feelings will never change. My heart will only ever beat for you. I may not be so brave enough to admit it to anyone else but I promise you, our time will come. I will fight for you, I will fight for us. As long as you're at my side, I know I can do anything." he said softly.

Gwen sighed and softly pulled away and muttered breathily "You can't promise me that. You don't know what will happen." as she looked down, trying to stop her tears. Arthur then managed to pull her back into his arms.

"Please, Guinevere. I'm begging you… Please. I can't do this without you..." he pled softly as he leant closer, their foreheads and noses touching as their eyes unconsciously close. As they stayed like that, Gwen slowly opened her eyes and looked at him, eyes closed with creased eyebrows, as if he's worried about something.

 _I know my feelings will never change, either. Lancelot left, it was his choice. Even before him, I know I already felt something for Arthur. That feeling is special, I know it._

She thought to herself as she slowly pulls away from him, noticing that Arthur still hasn't opened his eyes. She smiled sadly to herself.

 _Who am I fooling? I would wait for him even if he did not ask me to. Even if nothing could ever happen between us._

She then held his face and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. It was then that Arthur opened his eyes and looked at her. She was smiling very slightly at him and began to walk to the door and she wasn't stopped this time.

And before he knew it, Arthur was left with an unspoken promise. A promise that will keep him going until he becomes king.

 _I will wait for you, Arthur. I promise…_


End file.
